


We Have Rules Here

by MoMoMomma



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Avengers, BAMF Phil, BAMF Thor, Implied Violence, M/M, Phil Coulson Has the Patience of a Saint, Protective Avengers, Protective Thor, SHIELD Agents Being Badass, Stupid Junior Agents, Thor Is Not Stupid, You Do Not Bad Mouth Phil Coulson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-13 21:10:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoMoMomma/pseuds/MoMoMomma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone who knew the Avengers knew there were certain lines you didn't cross. And if they didn't know, they were soon made aware of them.</p><p>Explicitly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Have Rules Here

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I should start a series that is just Phil Coulson: Marvel Bicycle. I can literally pair him with anyone. Enjoy some protective Thor and BAMF Avengers :D

Everyone who knew the Avengers knew that there were specific lines you didn’t cross. You didn’t bad-mouth Bucky Barnes within earshot of Captain America. You didn’t make any cracks about Colonel Rhodes around Iron Man. And if you wanted your belongings and person to lack arrow punctures you didn’t say a word about the Black Widow. These weren’t hard things to remember. Steadfast unwritten rules were rarely forgotten, especially by those who had made the mistake of breaking them. However, after Phil Coulson got back from his medical leave and off desk duty, a new one was discovered.

And discovered by the whole bridge at once.

“I ask you once more to repeat the words you have spoken about the Son of Coul.” Thor growled, his normal booming tone gone in lieu of the dark snarl now rumbling up from his throat.

The two junior agents cowering in front of him, prevented from escape by the bank of computers at their backs, exchanged terrified looks. The dark haired man, Agent Graves, cleared his throat nervously, shooting a look around at where everyone was staring at them, unabashedly making their interest known. Even Director Fury was standing at the head of the bridge, arms crossed and looking in no hurry to intervene should Thor’s legendary temper explode in the middle of his Helicarrier.

“Uh…it was a joke. I swear, we respect Agent Coulson—“

“Obviously not.” Thor snapped, dropping a hand to where Mjolnir hung in his belt, tapping his fingers against the weapon ominously. “Else you would not have made the remark you did. I do not wish to hear your explanations, I wish for you to repeat what you said.”

“It really was a joke!” The blonde, Agent Marx, protested futilely, his eyes darting around for a possible escape route, only to see that the other Avengers had wandered in and were strategically standing at the thunder god’s back in a way that eliminated any chance of getting out of this.

“What you spoke of is no joking matter!” Thor shouted, both men cringing back in the face of his tangible rage.

“Director Fury, maybe there’s a language barrier—“ Agent Marx tried, before being cut off by the hand Fury swept through the air.

“Oh, I don’t think there’s any goddamn barrier. I’d advise doing as he asks, it’ll work out better for you in the end.”

Thor growled deep in his chest, his free hand clenching into a fist as he glared down the agents. Graves, obviously seeing there wasn’t a way out of this, swallowed hard and spoke in a reedy voice.

“W-We said—uh—we said that we were surprised Coulson was hurt by Loki, s-since he—uh—doesn’t have a heart to stab through.”

Thunder cracked outside the Helicarrier at the words, the rest of the Avenger’s faces darkening at the admission. Thor opened his mouth, chest expanding as he prepared to tell the agents exactly what he thought of their cruel words, when a dry voice cut through the thick silence.

“I would hope my actions here prove that pervading rumor wrong.”

All eyes shot to where Coulson was making his way to the group, people moving out of his way, not even brushing against him in fear of drawing the god’s wrath down upon them. He stepped neatly in front of Thor, putting himself between the agents and the god with a small smile. To the shock of everyone on the bridge, excluding Hill, Fury, and the Avengers, Coulson reached up and cupped the side of Thor’s face, rubbing a thumb over his cheekbone. Thor seemed torn for a moment, stuck between glaring at the still cowering agents and looking at the calm agent in front of him.

“Thor,” Phil’s quiet voice broke through the silence and drew the gods eyes to him at last. “It was an ignorant comment, made by ignorant people. There’s no need to smash up the new Helicarrier.”

Thor made a rumbling sound low in his chest before scooping the agent into his arms, holding him like a groom would their new bride. He turned to stomp from the bridge, spinning in the doorway to issue on last statement to the room at large.

“Shall it be known forevermore, the Son of Coul is my betrothed. Any whom speak ill of him from this point forwards shall face the wrath of the Son of Odin and I shall not be so easily swayed by my love’s words if there is another offense.”

With those words he stomped off, the look glimpsed on his face as he looked down at Phil letting everyone know exactly where he was headed—or rather what he was going to do when he got there. A pregnant silence reigned after their exit, broken only by Fury once he noticed the two agents trying to slink off.

“Oh no, motherfuckers. That was just the tip of the iceberg. I believe you’ve got a few more apologies to make.”

“Yes,” Natasha cut in, her eyes emerald chips of rage in a normally placid face, one hand resting on the butt of her gun. “You certainly do.”

“Security cameras in the meeting room on the seventh floor are malfunctioning.” Jasper offered nonchalantly, not even bothering to glance up from his bank of computers as he punched in the codes to shut said cameras off.

“Once you’re done chatting with them, bring them to my office. I’ll give them a fresh explanation of proper SHIELD agent conduct.” Hill snapped, the agents whimpering as she stomped off, no doubt to prepare her ‘explanation’ plans.

Steve looked at the two, a wicked smile more suited for Barnes or Stark spreading across his face.

“Certainly, Agent Hill. Come on, boys, let us explain to you _exactly_ how we expect Agent Coulson to be treated.”

From that day on there was a new unwritten rule. You could make remarks about other agents, about Deputy Director Hill, even about Director Fury, but you **did not** make them about Level Seven SHIELD Agent Phillip Coulson. And if you did?

Well….no one really knows the consequences. No one who breaks that rule is ever around long enough to share them with the others.


End file.
